Prove to Me that Sonic is Real

For the last two years we've been seeing commercials featuring talented comedic actors creatively pimping out some burger chain they call "Sonic". After seeing their last piece of advertising genius, my mouth was watering at the thought of getting some of that "Sonic" deliciousness in my stomach. So I got in my car and drove around looking for one of these joints, and I kept driving and I kept driving. It was like trying to find the Big Ten Network, the G-Spot and the punchline in a Frank Caliendo joke all at once.

After retreating from my mission, I settled on Jack in the Box for those scoring at home, I turned to the good old internet to help me find a Sonic. There has to be one near me, right? I mean their slogan is "America's Drive-In" and companies' slogans are always accurate (See: Fox News). Sonic does in fact have a website, Sonicdrivein.com, which features a "Sonic Locator" tab. After putting my zip code into the Sonic Locator, I was puzzled to find out that the closest Sonic was 74 miles away in a town called Tehachapi, CA.

Sure, Sonic I believe you. America's Drive-In would put a location in a town called Tehachapi and not Los Angeles. Seriously, do you think I am buying this? Do they take me for the kind of guy who would give his social security number, bank account number and blood type to a rich Nigerian business man? Just like unicorns and girls who don't give head, Sonic does not exist.

This is all a ploy by these actors to get some work.

If someone sends in a picture of an actual Sonic, I'll try to believe that they exist but I will remain cautiously skeptical. Photoshop is an amazing thing, just ask Oscar de la Hoya.