You Can't Make This Shit Up: Actual Quotes from the Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest

What's better than watching adults eat hot dogs competitively to earn respect of their peers and a yellow championship belt? Listening to adults get paid to comment on adults eating hot dogs competitively. The following are actual quotes from ESPN's coverage of Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest provided by Paul Page, Rich Shea and sideline reporter Jimmy Dykes.

"When it comes to jamming food down your throat, nobody does it better than these people"

"The mustard belt may finally return to America."

"I'm not going to hit the wall, I am going to embrace the wall and endure the pain." - Joey Chestnut, America's hope to bring home the mustard belt while being interviewed by Dykes.

"Its an honor to stand at the same table as Kobayashi." - Partick Bertoletti, rookie hot dog eater with a mohawk while being interviewed by Dykes.

"Welcome back to the fastest 12 minutes in competitive eating."

"Jalapeno popper champion of the world from Huntington Beach called the night after he won the ring of fire."

"Seaver 'The Acheiver' specializes in crab cakes"

"Allen 'The Shredder' is known for his strong jaw, possibly the strongest jaw in competitive eating."

"The 21 year old Chip Simpson is the future of the sport."

"Badlands Booker has a rap career to fall back on."

"Don't try this at home folks, these are professionals."

"The sport is really seeing an influx of talent all at once, these guys are like the 1983 QB class with Marino, Kelly and Elway."

"Bertoletti can make a name for himself and join the company of some other great Italian athletes like DiMaggio"

"If Chestnut wins this contest it will change the course of history for this nation"

-"Kobayashi has gone double tokyo style"
-"Not sure if you want to change styles at this stage in the game"

"Now it comes down to hot dog managangement here in the last two minutes."

"Chestnut is the best eater America has ever seen."

"Chestnut is like the Vijay Singh of this sport, when everyone else is on the 19th hole he's out there working on his putting game."

"Chestnut's efforts have energized the American eating fans!"

"It looks like a new world record for Kobayashi with 54"

"Mustard belt goes to Kobayashi for the sixth year in a row."